Adaptive Mechanisms in Family Life
Family conflict may be avoided or minimized through scapegoating, coalitions, withdrawal of emotional ties, fighting, use of family myths, reaction formation, compromise, or designation of a family healer. Two or more of these mechanisms may be used within the same family. If these mechanisms are used exclusively, however, they become defensive and are unlikely to promote resolution of the conflict, so that the same issue will arise repeatedly.
Scapegoating or Blaming involves labeling one member as the cause of the family trouble and is expressed in the attitude, “If it weren`t for you...” Or one member may offer himself as a scapegoat to end an argument by saying. “It`s all my fault”. Such labeling controls the conflict and reduces anxiety, but it prevents communication that can get at the root of the problem. Growth toward resolution of the problem is prohibited.
Coalitions or Alliances may form when some family members side together against other members. Antagonisms and anger result. Eventually the losing party tries to get control.
Withdrawal of Emotional Ties, loosening the family unit, and reducing communication may be used to handle conflict, but then the family becomes rigid and mechanized. Family members are also likely to seek affection outside the family, so that the home becomes a hotel with evervone superficially nice. In some families there is no show of emotion, for this signifies to them loss of control or giving in to anacceptable impulses.
Repetitive Fighting through verbal abuse, physical battles, loud complaints, curses, or occusations may be used to relieve tension and allow some harmony until the next round. The fight may have the same theme each time stress hits the family. The healthy family allows some “blowing up” as release from everyday frustrations, but it does not make a major case out of every minor incident or temporary disagreement.
Family Myths or Traditional Beliefs can be used to overcome anxieties and maintain control over others. Such statements include: Children are seen, not heard; We can`t survive if you leave home; Talking about feelings will cause loss of love. In the healthy family, members encourage growth and creativity rather than rigid cotrol.
Reaction Formation is seen in a family in which there is superficial harmony or togetherness. Traumatic ideas are repressed and transformed into the opposite behavior. Everybody smiles but nobody loves. No one admits to having any difficulties. Great tension is felt because true feelings are not expressed.
Resignation or Compromise may provide temporary harmony when someone gives up or suppresses his needs for assertion, affection, or emotional expression for the sake of keeping peace. The surface calm eventually explodes when unmet needs can no longer be successfully suppressed.
Designation of One Person as Family Healer or Umpire involves using a “wise one” (most often in the extended family) or a minister, storekeeper, bartender, or druggist to arrange a reconciliation between dissenting parties. Part of the dynamics sometimes underlying the helper role is that the referee gets great satisfaction from finding someone worse off than himself. The healer feels a sense of heightened self-esteem or omnipotence. A variant of the healer role is that of family “protector”. Here one person takes all the stresses upon himself in order to save other members stress or conflict. One person ends up fighting the battles for everyone else in the family.
You may find yourself in the role of family healer. Help the family to develop harmonious ways of coping and avoid the protector or omnipotent role.
References :
Messer, Alfred, The Individual in His Family, An Adaptational Study. Springfield, I11.: Charles C. Thomas, Publisher, 1970.
Murray, RB and Zentner JP., Nursing Concepts for Health Promotion, Second Edtion, Prentice-Hall, Inc, Englewood Cliffs, N.J, 1979.
