The most important life task for each person-to feel a sense of self-esteem, to love himself and have a positive self-images evolves through interaction with his parents from the time of birth onward and will in turn affect how he interacts in later life with others, including with spouse and offspring.
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The adult in the family who does not feel self-acceptance and self-respect is not likely to be a loving spouse or parent. His behavior will betray his feelings about himself and others because he will perceive no automatic acceptance and little love from others in the family. Since his perception of an event is his reality, such a person in turn reacts in ways designed to defend himself from the rejection that he thinks he will receive; he may criticize, get angry, brag, demand perfection from others, or withdraw. In this way he bulids himself up, the emotional reasoning being: “ I may not be much, but others are worse”. Behavior of this kind is corrosive to any relationship, but particularly one as intimate as exists in the family. Because of his overt behavior, those intimate with him are not likely to appreciate or respond to his basic needs for love, acceptance, and respect. Indeed, the common responses to such behavior are counterattack or withdrawal, wich in turn perpetuate the other`s negative behavior. To remain open and giving in such situations is difficult for the mate; but this may be the only way to elevate the other`s self-esteem. Perhaps only then can he reciprocate loving behavior. You can help family members realize the importance of respecting and loving one another and help them work through problems stemming from the low self-esteem of a family member.
References :
Vincent, Clark, The Family : Trends and Directions in the Seventies. A speech to the Eleventh Annual Conference on Prevention and Community Mental Health, St. Louis, April 27, 1973.
Murray, RB and Zentner JP., Nursing Concepts for Health Promotion, Second Edtion, Prentice-Hall, Inc, Englewood Cliffs, N.J, 1979.
